They were literally only nice to you when they wanted something. Imagine if you had done the surgery and lost one of your kidneys. I doubt your family would suddenly be all smiles and welcome you back and invite you and your husband over for tea. You should feel no shame, say to your family that maybe if they’d treated you like an Official The Man Behind The Bump Shirt. I think you know deep down that you don’t owe him anything. He was a malicious, sadistic prick who got off on torturing you. He manipulated weaker family and friends to believe his bs and make your life as hard as possible. Why would you owe this person anything? Be happy and let it all go. He’s gone, and I, for one, am happy you’re free of all of their selfish negativity.
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This. I had extreme issues with my sibling and parents similar to the OP. In talks, before going NC with my parents they actually brought this up. “BuT hE’s YoUr BrOtHeR. What if he needs a kidney or something like that. Your the closest thing each other has!”. I literally laughed. Yeah, bc we only care if HE needs a kidney. And if the tables were reversed there is no way in hell he’d do the same. They didn’t really have a comeback bc we all know it’s true. This. I keep learning that my Official The Man Behind The Bump Shirt. Then goes back to holding anything she did for me as a child over my head. I love this particular attitude. Like they think they deserve a medal for doing the bare minimum.
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Even if they treated him perfectly he wouldn’t owe them shit. Being a good parent needs no rewards, either do it right or don’t have kids. My mother would say “after all that I did for you” as a means to act like I owe her shit. I didn’t make her fuck my dad, I didn’t make her keep me, I didn’t make her do shit because I didn’t materially exist yet. You don’t owe your Official The Man Behind The Bump Shirt. It is just part of the job description to take care of the humans you create. Very true, body autonomy means no one can demand an organ of you. Even if OP had a loving family in the same situation he has the right to say no. This! I hope OP reads this. This is the only response needed then he can block them all and never look back.
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